Sexuality is fluid and difficult to define. Understand that, when using the word bisexual, it’s okay if it means something different to you than other people. You may be interested in both men and women sexually, but only men romantically. You may have always had sexual feelings for men and women, or you may have developed sexual feelings for a particular gender later in life. There is no right or wrong way to be bisexual. While there are some people that insist that 50/50 makes someone bisexual, this view does not match up with reality. While some people do experience equal levels of attraction, others do not. If you are bisexual, it’s acceptable to define yourself however you want. Pay attention to yourself and your own feelings. It’s okay if your definition of your bisexuality differs slightly from another person’s bisexuality. Everyone is different.
If you feel attraction to both genders, you should not have to choose. Many bisexual people feel torn between the gay and straight community, as they do not feel quite one way or another. You don’t have to choose between one gender or another, or one community or another. As the LGBT community gets more diverse, you can feel a full part of that even if you still feel sexual and romantic attraction to people of the opposite sex. If people tell you to pick sides, try to tune it out. Say something like, “I’m bisexual and attracted to both genders. I don’t need to pick a side and it’s actually not really possible for me to do that. "
Never avoid labeling yourself or discussing your feelings of attraction for both men and women. Some people may express confusion, or even make offensive comments. However, it is not your job to make people like you. This is especially true if you have to hide your identity to fit in. True friends and allies will support you without question. You get to choose the people you spend time with and should not tolerate friends or romantic partners who do not offer support. Remember the world is always changing. Each time you identify as bisexual and refuse to compromise this, you’re helping people around you be more aware and accepting. Understand that infidelity means being unfaithful to a partner you have agreed to have a committed, monogamous relationship with.
If you feel bad about your sexuality, remind yourself of this. Say something like, “I am bisexual, that is perfectly natural and valid, and there is nothing wrong with me. " While no one knows precisely why and how sexuality develops, people have little control over feelings of physical and romantic attraction. Your sexuality is who you are. It’s never an indication there is something wrong with you.
There are thousands of people who identify as LGBT. A quick internet search for bisexuality is bound to find many resources where people discuss being bisexual and what it means for them. Remember, bisexual is LGBT, as the “B” stands for “bisexual. " It may not seem like it just because, say, you’re a bisexual female and you are dating a heterosexual male. You are still bisexual, you have not chosen males over females just because of this heterosexual male. Never feel like you’re the only one who feels this way. Reminding yourself that there are thousands of bisexual people in the world can help you remember it’s a valid identity.
Seek out bi-positive people to talk to. Talk about your sexuality with supportive friends and family members. If there is an LGBT resource center in your community, try seeing if they have bisexual discussion groups. [6] X Expert Source Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSCLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 2 April 2021. Remind yourself that you are okay. People may tell you it’s wrong to be bisexual, but let them have their opinions while reminding yourself that you are happy and healthy. Your sexuality does not define your sense of self, self-esteem, or overall happiness.
Some people who are bisexual prefer committed relationships. Other are polyamorous or prefer open relationships. Others are still dating around and uninterested in committing to a single person. This spectrum of romantic and sexual preferences exists for any sexual orientation. One’s feelings about things like fidelity and monogamy are not related to whether they identify as straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, or any other orientation. Pursue whatever types of relationships you want and that will make you happy. If you want a monogamous relationship, be in a monogamous relationship. If you want an open relationship, be in an open relationship. You do not have to follow any rules regarding relationships or dating simply because you are bisexual.
Read online forums such as “Empty Closets,” which show how others handle coming out and other issues related to their bisexuality (https://forum. emptyclosets. com/index. php?threads/advice-on-coming-out-to-parents-as-bisexual. 259741/).
Let the person know what they can do to help. Maybe you just need someone to vent your feelings to someone at times. It can be frustrating to be a part of a marginalized group. Maybe you just want people to watch about the assumptions they make. For example, “If I mention going on a date, I don’t want you to assume that it was with a particular gender. It’s okay to ask me if I was on a date with a man or a woman. " You should also let people know if there are some people you don’t want to know about your sexuality. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell everyone you’re bi at first. Many people initially come out to a few close friends, so let people know if you’re not ready to be out to everyone right now. For example, “Just so you know, I haven’t told a lot of people yet. Can we keep this between us for now?”
Remember, who you choose to date does not define your sexuality. If you’re currently in a relationship with someone of different sex, you do not need to feel alienated from the LGBT community. You’re still bisexual, regardless of your current relationships. Remember that your identity is valid. Do not feel like you’re intruding by becoming involved in the LGBT community in your area.
If you’re still in high school, see if there’s a Gay Straight Alliance at your school. [13] X Expert Source Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSCLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.
